1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
