I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
