Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
