you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
