Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
