In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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