I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
