Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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