I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
