Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
