Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
