smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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