Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
