I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
