I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
