I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
