There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
