Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
