Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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