I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
