I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
