Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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