well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
