3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
only if we run a train.
done.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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