So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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