You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
