once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
