your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
