dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
