So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so let's talk penis.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
