I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
