There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
