i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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