At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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