Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
