In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
