Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
