If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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