ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
