It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
