I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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