How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
