she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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