Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
