i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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