I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
