i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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