Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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