NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
