Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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