Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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