i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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