thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
