when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
