I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
