grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
