She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
