the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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