Just mADE A PArabola og urine
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
